Concepts discussed in this post: self-trust
Terms used:
- Receiver = person on the receiving end of the advice
Instagram video
The psychologist in the below instagram video describes what I’d call the “let me help you” behavioral pattern of trying to course correct–typically with positive intent–someone engaging in some kind of pursuit or activity without their consent. Advice givers who have past experience with the activity in question typically manifest this behavior. Like the video mentioned, this behavioral pattern can unintentionally erode the self-trust of the individual that’s receiving the help. I talk about how this erosion of self-help can happen below the Instagram video.
How advice giving can sometimes erode someone’s self-trust
Someone who constantly receives outside input that their strategies or approach to fulfilling a goal should be modified to fit the approach of someone else may start to believe that they’re unable to generate effective solutions on their own. So rather than take actions with boldness, the thought of “wait is this the right thing to do?” can bubble up. I don’t think these concerns should discourage people from giving advice but there are a few things you can do which I’ve outlined below that I believe will increase the chances someone listens to your advice.
A way to improve the odds that one’s advice is considered and potentially followed
The proposed approach will also likely limit or eliminate the odds of negatively impacting their self-trust. The suggestions work best if you genuinely want to help the person on the receiving end of your advice and are completely ok with them not listening or implementing your suggestions:
- Ask the receiver if they’re ok sharing goals or the end state they’re trying to realize and if they’re ok receiving advice because you may have suggestions that’ll help them reach their goal
- If you’re upfront with the type of help you want to give and why, you’ll likely eliminate concerns that you have ulterior motives. Doing this tends to increase someone’s willingness to listen to your advice.
- After understanding their goals you can reassess if your advice will help the receiver achieve them. If so, it’ll probably benefit the receiver if you share your advice but if the advice doesn’t align with the receiver’s goals you’ll have to decide what you want to do. If you still want to say something I’d recommend at the very least that you acknowledge that the advice doesn’t align with their goals.
- When external advice aligns with someone’s goals, the receiver will likely see this and understand how the suggestion will help them achieve their desired outcome/goal. If you think the receiver will struggle seeing alignment between their goals and your advice you can explicitly explain why and how you think your advice will help them fulfill their goals
Risks of following external advice without understanding why or how the advice will benefit you
When someone implements advice without understanding why it was given and why it worked the individual may produce desirable outcomes but the ability to reapply the knowledge without external help is often lost so although the receiver succeeded, they didn’t increase their capacity to be self-reliant. If you’re someone who would like advice given in the framework I shared then I think that suggests this approach will increase the odds that your advice will be taken.
Risks of having a lack of self-trust
There are outside forces that seek out people they think have low self-trust to further their agendas. This sometimes works because a lack self-trust can cause one to believe think should follow initiatives and people that seem to have certainty that what they’re doing is the right thing.
Social proof is another phenomenon that can influence someone with a lack of self trust to follow initiatives that don’t align with his or hers personal goals or missions.
