I believe it’s possible to be happy or feel neutral in all situations, even undesirable ones. Being happy when undesirable things happen doesn’t mean we secretly like what’s happening but is rather an assertion of control over our circumstances to choose what we often want the most, to be happy or at peace. Through personal experience and working with others I’ve also come to see and believe that with enough time and reflection, we can uncover why we feel negative emotions which are often the root cause of behaviors we dislike in ourselves and others.
I’m an advocate for embracing reality at all times. Facing reality can be difficult, and there appear to be a number of well-meaning people and schools of thought that discourage people from doing this. I won’t lie to you or encourage you to lie to yourself so that you can feel better about yourself. If one has built the ability to remain happy or peaceful in undesirable external circumstances, one will likely have the capacity to embrace reality more often. I believe that those who accept the harsh realities of life tend to prioritize their goals, care less about others’ opinions, and experience greater fulfillment and less stress in their daily lives.
Know thyself, deprogram thyself, and choose a new way of being if desired
A lot of the psychological work we’ll do together relies upon you identifying and understanding your current beliefs and ways of thinking relevant to the problems you want to address. Another term I use to describe your beliefs and ways of thinking is the word programming. Similarly, deprogramming is the relinquishment of absorbed ways of being, believing, thinking, etc that you no longer want to live by; oftentimes to deprogram ourselves we have to understand our programming first.
How I’ll help you understand your programming
I’ll help you uncover your current set of programming through a back-and-forth question-and-answer dialogue where I’ll non-judgmentally ask you questions that’ll enable you to identify the reasons you feel and act the way you do. I developed this probing ability through solving my own psychological problems and picking up skills from my training in The Option Method (wrote about this in my story) and The Option Process Dialogue. Descriptions of The Option Method and The Option Process Dialogue from their respective websites are at the bottom of this page.
How I can help you choose a new way of being
Once you understand your programming you can choose a new way of being. If desired, I can help you think through new beliefs and worldviews to make it easier for you to pursue your intrinsic wants while limiting fear and negative emotions during the pursuit. This aspect of our work is more philosophical because we’ll explore ideas, ask questions, and challenge long and popularly-held assumptions by the world and yourself to give you more clarity on what you want and help you build the courage to pursue whatever that is.
Benefits of relinquishing beliefs and thought patterns that lead to negative emotions and unhappiness
Two things.
More internal peace which results in:
Less anxiety
See link for what a state of less anxiety looks like and how to attain it.
Authenticity & more alignment
An aligned person feels like they’re living according to his or her uniqueness and inner desires. From personal experience, studying the lives of other high-achieving individuals, and researching the topic of mastery, this feeling seems to be a result of identifying and pursuing intrinsically motivating goals regardless of outside discouragement. I’d put forth that living in this manner leads to alignment with the divine and an often fortunate byproduct of alignment is high-performance.
More objectivity
Increased self-esteem
You’ll increase your ability to be ok with yourself regardless of what you have or do. You’ll also improve your ability to step into situations (social and non-social) and be present without falling into a state of introversion or self-consciousness. You’ll worry less about being “awkward” regardless of what others think, be less nervous, and care less about the opinions of others regarding your actions and views.
Increased emotional intelligence and intuition
Anxiety can feel very much like “gut” or “intuition,” which raises the “How do I know that this isn’t my gut telling me something?” Knowing how to uncover the beliefs driving your anxiety eliminates this concern. If it’s intuition, you’ll know because you know how to unpack your emotions.
More calm/Being in a parasympathetic state more often
Being in this state of being tends to improve one’s capability to think and speak, sleep, digest food, and heal because the body appears to optimally perform those functions in a parasympathetic state.
More self-awareness
It can be difficult to live authentically without a commitment to improving one’s self-awareness. I define self-awareness as an understanding of one’s thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and desires. Self-awareness allows one to discover the extent to which one is and has been living according to personal or outside standards.
More outcome-independence
A similar concept to internal peace, outcome-independence is the separation of how one feels from the outcomes of one’s actions. For example, if you take a chance on something and don’t get the results you want, being outcome independent means you won’t experience negative emotions of sadness, shame, etc, that impact your peace. You may dislike the outcome but disliking something doesn’t mean you have to experience negative emotions.
You start becoming a force
Someone that’s a force isn’t tied down by commonly held beliefs and cultural conditioning. How they feel about their self isn’t impacted by external events. Energy (as perceived by others) may shift when you enter certain rooms and your presence will likely inspire others and in some cases, attract disdain from those who think your internal freedom is wrong to have. The disdain won’t be an issue because you’ll be less phased by people, stimuli, events, etc, and will likely find it easier to accept without any emotional pain that everyone may not like you. Another plus is you’ll likely be less critical of yourself when your plans don’t transpire exactly as you’d like them to. This grace tends to make it easier to stay persistent in pursuing goals you care about.
“The Option Method is a transformational personal growth and development tool that you can learn and use in your life to help yourself and others take the mystery out of unhappiness, appreciate the cause and effect of beliefs, feelings and behavior, and understand what it means to choose your emotions. The Option Method is designed to get the root of any problem every time by recognizing that you have a choice in your own emotional state. Underneath all unhappiness, whether it is the simplest annoyance or the most paralyzing fear, there is a tiny voice saying, “I have to feel the way I feel. This is happening to me.” The Option Method helps you drill down through the mystery and confusion of unhappiness so you can hear what you are really saying to yourself. Then you can begin to question your unhappiness in a way that was never possible before. “
This quote is taken from the Dialogues in Self Discovery Center website
“The Option Process Dialogue, used for more than four decades, is a highly respectful and effective system of questions asked with a non-judgmental and non-directive attitude. This process builds on the legacy of the Greek philosopher Socrates, who used probing questions to challenge his students to discover their own answers. In effect, it allows us to change the way we think and, thereby, change the way we feel and act. This inevitably results in increased self-trust, self-empowerment, happiness and clarity as well as a creating a renewed sense of purpose (living our lives on our own terms), passion, and optimism.“
This quote is taken from the Option Institue website
